Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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