it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
