before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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