Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
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He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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