Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
