his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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