Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
