mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
