Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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