Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
