So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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