I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
