Don't make out with my wife yet
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
