Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
