Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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