The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
