yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
