Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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