my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
