I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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