I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
A bitchslap is in order.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
