these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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