he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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