you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
