but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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