Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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