I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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