1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
