if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
