Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize