Moan for me like Helen Keller
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
