I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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