I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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