Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
