i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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