Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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