I am puke
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
