jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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