I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
