I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
