Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
