When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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