is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
