Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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