he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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