EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
