ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
