arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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