So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
