Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
