The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
