i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
