btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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