try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
