Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Someone signed my nipple.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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