Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
