I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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