My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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