why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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