You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
