One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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