hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
