she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
