every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize