i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
