you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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