Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
