Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
