the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I bet he comes in French.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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