who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
