I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
