My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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