a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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