Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Your dad touched me again.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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