Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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